I’ve had a preoccupation with an impending zombie apocalypse for as long as I can remember. It started when I was much younger and was introduced to the wide world of zombie films. My initiation to this realm of entertainment was with the Evil Dead and the first time I watched it my life changed forever.
At first, my fixation seemed healthy enough. I followed my love of zombie-destroying, one liner-devastating badass Bruce Campbell down a terrifying and generally hilarious path to other films like Peter Jackson’s mind-melting classic Dead Alive, or it’s precursor, Bad Taste. I would ingest all things zombie at every possible turn. I read all the books (I highly suggest ‘The Dead that Walk’ a collection of zombie themed short stories or Bruce Campbell’s own autobiography ‘If Chins Could Kill’ detailing his life in b-movies). I watched all the movies. Extending so far as including all b-movie horror in my mental treasure chest of gore, eighties bush and lightning fast quips from strong-jawed alpha-male types. I even made an attempt at writing a book of my own, involving a band touring amidst a rapidly spreading zombie outbreak.
Somewhere along the way the idea of a zombie apocalypse has become a bit more of an obsession than a lighthearted and quirky interest. I don’t even follow the b-movie scene as closely as I did when I was younger (having a friend who worked at an independent movie rental store certainly helped my personal crusade to watch every cheesy zombie film ever made). I have become more interested in the thought of a real, actual, full-on zombie plague than watching recent film school graduates’ interpretation of the same story repeated with more breasts or cheesier guts n’ gizzard noshing.
Besides, there are so many ways the zombie influx could occur. Would it be the classic rise from the grave for virtually no reason? Would there be a vicious spread of a zombie-forming virus? Some sort of experimental weapon of mass destruction? Would it be a hell-on-earth Armageddon with doomed souls returning to wreak havoc on the sinful living? Once the undead were here, for whatever reason, would they be the slow, dimwitted creatures from Night of the Living Dead? Or the arguably more terrifying, high-speed, acrobatic, brain-nibbling, neo-zombies a la 28 Days Later?
These questions regularly race through my quite-possibly paranoid skull. I have put some considerable thought into what would cause such a bizarre obsession with this odd and completely unlikely scenario. I grew up all over rural New England and spent a good portion of my time building forts and stalking invisible enemies through the forest just like any other red blooded American-weirdo. I think being on the mock-prowl for a decade seeped into the sobriety of woodland life and then mixed with a heavy dose of terrifying gore during my formative years and laid the groundwork for a predisposition for living dead-centric mania.
I recently went on an eccentric rampage (I only use ‘eccentric’ in place of ‘crazy’ for my own piece of mind, feel free to substitute crazy, insane, idiotic, etc. wherever necessary) to the local retailers around the greater central Massachusetts area to fill my pockets and backpack to create a sort of zombie survival pack. This is being continually added to, but currently includes “zombie-apocalypse socks” (tall heavy wool socks I bought from a sporting goods chain), a zombie-terrifying fire starter (a magnesium block which so far has only been used to start fires on my friends screened-in porch), “zombie-apocalypse leg armor” (long underwear), as well as a pocket knife and a compass (a pocket knife and a compass). It seems obvious that one would want to have some sort of hunting rifle or shotgun for quick and easy zombie dispatching, but I don’t know if battling the undead qualifies as ‘all lawful purposes’ when applying for a firearms permit. Besides, I figure if the day comes I will simply break into a friendly local gun store amidst the zombie-chaos.
I have staked out a couple areas across Central Massachusetts as good zombie apocalypse survival zones. There is an old church behind Highland Street that is close to all the major highways making a quick escape easy if necessary. I also assume it would have a kitchen and enough room for living and supply storage. There are two easily defended large oak doors and a perfect tower with an excellent view of the surrounding areas. If that area got too overrun with brain-munchers, there would be a quick escape to my old apartment downtown, which sits at the top of one of Worcester’s lovely seven hills as well as being made of solid brick with a steep road leading to it that would assumedly be difficult for zombie to traverse.
Until that day comes, I will continue to train by shooting my Red Ryder bb-gun off of the back porch at Pabst cans, driving recklessly in my green pickup-truck and attempting to keep my zombie-stabbin’ blade honed. I suggest you do the same. Or not.
[pro-player width='600' height='400' type='video']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MH1UaPIEgA[/pro-player]
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Super cool guy!
Get your army gear